Keith's Ramblings

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Dapper Daniel flung back the curtains and gazed from his window. It was a perfect day. The sky was blue and the trees adorned with Autumnal tones. He had just one errand to complete, after which the remainder of the day was his to enjoy. What could be nicer than a boat trip along the river that flows through the forest?

Mission accomplished, he prepared himself for what was to come. Always one to dress appropriately, Dan donned his ruddy shirt and amber shorts, then set off for the mooring place.

As the boat made its way downstream, all he could hear was the quiet chug-chug of the motor, singing birds, and rippling water. Pure bliss.

After a while, they stopped. The captain invited his passengers to step ashore for a while and take a stroll upon the leafy carpet beneath the bronzed trees.

An hour passed, and the roamers returned to the vessel, all of them except for Daniel. They searched for him, but he was nowhere to be seen.

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Deep in the forest, he began to think that wearing those clothes was not such a good idea. To make matters worse, he’d visited the tanning salon earlier in the day and adopted an orange hue from head to toe. He got some very funny looks from a couple of rabbits who thought a tree had come to life!

To cut a long story somewhat shorter, he eventually came across a road and made his way back home on foot. 

It had been an event he’d rather forget and one he’ll forever keep to himself. Nobody knows of it but you and I, so please, for Daniel’s sake, keep it to yourself!

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

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I got the sack the other day. My boss said he’d found a gizmo that could carry out my job more efficiently and speedily. When I told my wife, she asked where she could buy one, cheeky mare!

I admit, I was a bit slow, and I was known to make the odd mistake now and again. But to replace me with a robot or whatever was an insult.

I blamed all my blunders on my fools … I meant tools.  Oh, this stupid keyboard!

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Thanks to Sammi Cox for hosting the Weekend Writing Prompt

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They were all present and correct at The Baaamy Inn, and with a snap of his fingers, Ted stood then marched to the bar for another round of drinks; “I used to hate people snapping their fingers at me when I was a part-time waiter whilst at Agricultural College”, said Arthur, “once when it happened I walked over to the table and this pompous bloke said, ‘I bet you can’t guess how I like my steak cooked’, I said ‘medium rare?’, then he clapped his hands and said, ‘well done, lad’, I wasn’t sure what to think!”

“During my younger years”, said Babs, “I thought I’d try earning money as a photographer, choosing the camera wasn’t easy, but I made a snap decision and bought the cheapest one I could, well, a couple I met asked me to take some pictures at their wedding and on the big day I aimed my camera at them and said, ‘say cheese’; they frowned instead of smiling – I wasn’t to know they were vegans, anyway, the most I ever earned with my cameras was when I sold it”.

“I bought myself an expensive camera to take on a safari holiday with my mate Bob”, said Bill, “we got ourselves some wide-brimmed hats and camouflage outfits; I found myself some decent trekking boots, but Bob bought some running shoes – when I asked him why, he said ‘in case we got chased by a lion’, so I said ‘you’ll never outrun a lion,’ and he said, ’no, but I’ll outrun you!’ “

Bert started telling them about a card game he played with his grandson, “he wanted to play snap, and he took it very seriously –  two sixes, snap, two kings, snap, two aces, snap, – he was totally expressionless; I said he should learn his Grandma’s favourite game; he asked what it was and I said ‘Poker’, well, he walked over to her, pointed his finger, prodded her cheek and said ‘what’s your favourite game Gran?’ “

Colin’s moment had arrived, “I snapped my fingers to get a waiter’s attention, now I need surgery – say what you like about waiters, they bring a lot to the table – I said to the waitress ’can I ask you about the menu please?’, and she said. ‘mind your own business –  a waiter asked how I found my steak and I said ‘easy, it was next to the fries’ – I asked the waitress if she had a lobster tail and she said, ‘once upon a time there was a lobster called Larry…’ – the problem with my salad needs addressing –  I tried taking a photo of fog, but I mist – my wife wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey so I took a snap shot of her hair – this morning she woke up with a huge smile on her face, I love Sharpies – the wrong photo went to jail, it was framed – I don’t play poker in the jungle, they’re all a bunch of cheetahs – worst of all are the bluffalos…….”

Later that night, Landlord Len was looking through a box of old photos when he came across a beautiful snap of his dearly departed Maggie; as he climbed into bed, he placed it upon the empty pillow alongside his, “night night, Maggie”, he muttered, “I’ll see you in my dreams”; ‘that was always our special song, Len’, she whispered in his ear, ‘night night my love’.

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories, where this week’s given word is Snap

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I was on the wrong side of the river. I could see where I wanted to be, but I couldn’t see how to get there. There must have been a bridge somewhere, but which way was it?

I saw a chap walking his dog along the opposite bank.“Excuse me”, I called, “how do I get to the other side?”

“You are on the other side”, he said as he continued on his way.

Thanks for nothing, I thought.

I was beginning to feel really frustrated, angry even, but then a bridge appeared, so I soon got over it!

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Click a Froggie to visit the squares!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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Let’s start in Nepal

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…now to the River Nile in Egypt

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Next Rome

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Madeira…

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Venice…

Dubai…

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Norway…

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…then wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen!

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Here we are in South India

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…and now, Abu Dhabi

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The Victoria Falls

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The rest, I took in and around where I live!

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After all that walking, I thought you might enjoy 49 seconds of calm!

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I live alone in a little wooden shack deep in the middle of nowhere, free from the frenzied existence of townsfolk and at one with nature.

As a new morn arrives, I stand and gaze at what little surrounds me. Droplets of dew sparkle on blades of grass and dance upon quivering cobwebs.

There, a bird, perched on the branch of a tree. Hark. It tweets, and with a flap of its wings it flies away to who knows where. I don’t care, for if I could fly, I’d go nowhere.

In this place, what little I need and all I desire surrounds me. I covet the silence; no need to speak, for there’s no one to hear.

Just me, that’s all.

Just me.
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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

Image credit; Royce Fonseca @ Unsplash

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Thanks to Sammi Cox for hosting the Weekend Writing Prompt

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“Sorry I’m late”, said Arthur as he entered The Baaamy Inn looking a little hot and bothered, “I’m not having a good day; this afternoon, when I took the rubbish out, I accidentally kicked the door-stop and the door slammed shut behind me, I didn’t have a key so I had to climb through the window, I looked at the clock and thought I had plenty of time, but it had decided to stop so I hadn’t, so I dashed to the bus stop, but the bus didn’t stop, it went straight past and I had to leg it here – time for the bad luck to stop and have a glass of pop!”

“I was walking down the high street this afternoon”, said Ted, “and a bloke said to me, ‘stop, it’s you, isn’t it, you’ve changed your hairstyle, started wearing glasses and shrunk an inch or two, but it’s really good to see you again, George’, so I said, ‘my name’s Ted’, and he said, ‘gosh, you’ve changed your name too!’ – goodness knows who he was!”

“I saw Big Bill the other day”, said Babs, “his wife said she’d leave him if he didn’t stop smoking, stop swearing, stop snoring and stop drinking as much, well, he’s a changed man now – he got through a whole sentence without using any rude words or flicking ash on the ground – he says he’s now officially a stopaholic!

“Len hasn’t held a pub quiz for ages”, said Poppy over at the knitting circle, “I hope he doesn’t stop having them, I suppose it could be because that posh professor from the university keeps on winning, although I did beat him once: we were neck and neck with one question to go, and Len asked what time we thought he set his alarm clock for, the prof said seven o’clock, but I said six-thirty and won hands down!”

Colin came back from the bar with a tray of drinks, sat down and went into his quick-fire joke mode: “the clocks are going back soon, that’s daylight robbery – my book about clocks finally arrived, it’s about time – hickory-dickory-dock, the mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one and the others escaped unharmed – clocks just go tic tic tic because they don’t toc to themselves – when I parked my car illegally, the ticket on my windshield said Parking Fine, it was such a relief – it’s hard to stop smoking, I’ve done it twenty times – my wife said she’d leave me if I kept singing I’m a Believer, I thought she was joking then I saw her face – the prisoner didn’t stop talking until he finished his sentence – the banker stopped working when he lost interest – the priest stopped preaching and became a lawyer, now he’s a father-in-law – my can opener stopped working, now it’s a can’t opener- I’m going to stop playing the triangle, it’s one ting after another – the French hen decided to stop laying eggs, she’d had un ouef……!”

Every night before going to bed, Landlord Len winds up the cuckoo clock on the living room wall, he’d hate it to stop; often, when it went cuckoo, his dearly departed Maggie would cuckoo back – “cuckoo”, he muttered…‘cuckoo’, whispered Maggie in his ear as he stroked the little wooden bird and wiped a tear from his eye.

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories, where this week’s given word is Stop

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I applied for a job at the school. During my interview, I was asked general knowledge questions. Why? It was for a cleaner, not a teacher!

Headmaster: What colour are poppies?

Me: Poppy’s what? 

Headmaster: How old is Lincoln Castle?

Me: Very.

Headmaster: What is a question word?

Me: I know it is

Headmaster: May I ask two more questions?

Me: That’s one, what’s the other?

Headmaster: What are the Roman numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500?

Me: IM LIVID, how should I know?

Headmaster: The job’s yours; the last cleaner was brighter than me, I didn’t want that again!

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Click a Froggie to visit the squares!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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Usually, sunset looks like this…

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…but now and again, it turns pink!

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