“As they say, there’s life in the old dog yet”, he said to himself as he climbed from his bicycle and massaged his aching knees. “I’m going to follow my dreams, dreams that take me where I want to be”.
Right then, he wanted to be in a bar. He saw one, went in, ordered a beer … and there she was. The woman he’d been seeing in his dreams. She was beautiful. Getting on a bit, but younger than him, a kind of third age silver-haired Lolita!
He plucked up the courage to speak to her. “Of all the bars in all the world…do you come here often?” he said, reeling out a couple of well worn cliches.
That was several weeks ago. They’ve met there a couple of times since, just for a chat, nothing more.
This morning, he decided move things up a notch and invite her out on a date. He went down on one knee, proffering a bunch of drooping flowers from the supermarket and asked the question.
“Of course”, she said, helping him get back onto to his chair, “like they say, there’s life in the old dog yet, and in this old pussy cat too!”
Move over Bayeux Tapestry, it’s my turn to create a work of art. In a thousand years time people will be queuing at The British Museum to see my creation! And by the way, you are an embroidery, you can’t even get your name right.
I have a roll of canvas seventy-one metres long, one metre longer than you, and threads of many colours. I’ll create a walk through a fantasy forest, there’ll be sunlight filtering through trees, mossy stumps and tufts of grass. Peacocks with gaudy feather plumes, water flowing through cracks in rocks and nymphs wearing ruffle gowns. There’ll be Spring flowers one end and a layer of snow at the other.
I guess it’s time to get stitching. Threading this needle isn’t easy, why do they make the eye hole so small? Right, here we go!
Ouch! I pricked my finger. Oh no, there’s a blood stain. Actually it’s quite pretty, it looks like a poppy! I wish I’d bought a thimble. I know, I’ll use a bottle cap! No, that doesn’t work.
Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea after all, but what else can I do with seventy-one metres of canvas? Got it, I’ll make thirty-five and a half sacks, keep the one with the pretty poppy and sell the rest!
.
,
.
Incase you are unaware – the Bayeux Tapestry is almost 1000 years old and a few days ago it was moved from France to the British Museum in London. It depicts the Norman invasion of England in 1066 which took place very close to where I live! If you’re interested to learn more, pop over here – https://www.britishmuseum.org/exhibitions/bayeux-tapestry .
.
Thanks to Brenda for hosting The Sunday Whirl where this week’s given words are – plumes tufts mosses fantasy fabric filtering threads forest cracks layer ruffle flow(ing)
I don’t often repeat stories, but now and again I can’t resist the opportunity! Here’s a shortened version of one I posted six years ago.
.
Such a dull job. My colleagues think I’m miserable. I seldom smile. Or do I? Unbeknown to them, come nightfall I trade clerking for twerking!
On with my glossiest lipstick, my slinkiest dress and highest heels. A swing of my hips I’m on my way!
My favourite club. The music, the lights, wow! There’s Rob from sales chatting up Sally from accounts. He called me dreary the other day. I’ll show him, move over girl, I’m on my way!
Actually, I need the loo first. Remember, lady’s room not men’s.
With Summer drawing to a close, Landlord Len decided to fire up a Baaabecue in the pub garden, it’s not often the regulars get to see shy chef Shiela, she always enters by the back door, cooks, cleans up then leaves by the back door, so being surrounded by hungry people begging for burgers was not something she enjoyed; Len told everybody to form a line, “that’s why it’s called a barbe-queue not a barbe-crowd”, he shouted!
“I fancy a cigarette”, said Fred, “but Len wouldn’t like it, I remember the time a bloke lit one up and Len told him he had No Smoking rules and the guy said, ‘I know you don’t which is why I come here rather than pubs that do have them – which reminds me, I saw someone smoking two cigarettes an once, he said one was for him and the other for his brother who was in prison, well, next time I saw him he was only smoking one, so I asked if his brother had been released and he said, ‘no, I’ve given up smoking’ !”
“I had to fire one of my staff the other day”, said Arthur, “he always misunderstood everything I told him to do, apparently he often got sacked for that very reason; when he worked at the bubblewrap factory his boss gave him a roll of the stuff and told him to pop it in the corner – it took him all afternoon, he even got fired from the zoo because he took the signs on the cages saying ‘do not feed the animals’ literally”.
“Simon the Fireman got fired for inappropriate behavour”, said knitter Natalie, “they were called to fire at the Naughty But Nice night club and it turned out to be a false alarm, well, while Simon was checking it out he entered the lounge bar where there was a hen party going on and the girls assumed he was a stripper; he thought, ’why not’, and took off his uniform – he’s now going to make a career of it, he says he prefers having his cheeks licked by ladies than by flames!”
“A Mexican fireman had twins”, said Colin, “he named one José and the other Hose B – I was told to test my fire alarm once a month, it’s cost me a fortune in houses – the match factory burnt down when the workers went on strike – a jacket that catches fire is a blazer – if you see a fireman, put it out, man – a guy got fired from the calender factory for taking too many days off – the Pepsi employee was fired when he tasted positive for Coke – I burnt 1200 calories when I left the pizza in the oven too long – 3 Barbies in a line is a BBQ – a line of men waiting for a haircut is a barbercue – I went to a silent barbecue and ate sheesh kebabs – I burnt my Hawaiian pizza, I should have had my oven on aloa setting – the Italian pastry chef was injured, we cannoli hope he makes a full recovery – my wife’s a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm for a timer….”
Len looked down at the fireplace and for a moment he saw his dearly departed Maggie stacking logs, one upon another in the hearth; “you’ll always be the fire that warms my heart”, he muttered to himself – ‘and you are the flickering flame that dances in my soul’, she whispered.
.
Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Storieswhere this week’s given word is Fire
I always found my daughter’s doll creepy. One day it mysteriously lost its head, how why and where I cannot imagine!
There’s a shop in town that sells new ones so I decided to head there. It was weird, like facing an audience. Some were smiling, some not. They were all attempting to grab my attention – I swear, one even winked at me!
I chose one, took it home and attempted to attach it but unfortunately, clumsy me damaged it.
“It just needs some plastic surgery”, I said.
My wife would have frowned if she hadn’t just had some herself!
At the weekend I enjoyed Bexhill’s annual Classic Car Show. There were 476 vehicles on display and I took over 200 photos! Here are just a few of them.
Click pics to enlarge
I used to sell these beauties!
I had a Citroen 2CV Dolly identical to this one
…had one of these too!
I passed my driving test in one like this!
My namesake!
Bexhill used to have a small sports car manufacturer called Elva
There were loads of Amercan cars too
There were lots of things to buy!
And if that wasn’t enough, there was dog show going on in one corner as well – it was cancelled earlier in the year due to a heat wave.
My friend drops little white pebbles when he takes random walks in wild places so that he can find his way back again. When he told me about it I laughed. ‘I’ve bought this compass which I’ll clip a to a silver neck chain’, I said. ‘Far more sensible’, I said.
*
Let me think now. My trusty, though slightly rusty compass says I’m heading south-east. I want to go back, so I need to go east-south…no west-north…no…oh dear!
My shadow was behind me, so now it needs to be in front. Trouble is, the sun’s decided to hide behind some clouds.
I’m sure I passed that moss covered rock. I sat on it and it was soft as velvet. I expected it to be dry, but it wasn’t and I got a wet backside. I still have.
I remember seeing a tree with cones on it. There’s one down there, but there’s another up there.
I teased my brother when he bought that drone camera thing, now I wish I had one, so now what do I do?
I’ll shout for help. ’Help!’. Someone shouted back – but they also shouted ‘help’. Oh, no, it was an echo. I was shouting to myself and I was no help at all!
Oh look, there’s a little white stone, and another, and another…I think I’ll follow them.
.
.
Thanks to Brenda for hosting The Sunday Whirl where this week’s words are – velvet compass echo random rust(y) silver shadow pebble stone drone clip dry.
Bert entered The Baaamy Inn carrying a very large book, “I thought you’d like to see it”, he said, “I got it the charity shop and it’s called a Thesimouse or something like that and it’s a kind of dictionary but instead of containing the meanings of words it gives you words that mean the same, similarims I think they call them; I’m going to keep it on my coffee table in place of my dad-joke book to improve my image, or ameliorate my simulacrum as I wrote down on this piece of paper!”
“I went to The Fish Inn pub quiz last night”, said Ted, “and one question asked for the longest word in the English dictionary, well, that Dutch bloke, Clever Clogs got it right and it’s not even his first language, it began with P and 47 letters later in ended with A, well, I disputed it because I think the longest word is smiled because S and D are a mile apart!” – Suzie at the next table leapt to her feet and began to sing, “it’s only words and words are all I have to steal your heart away…”
“Word has it”, said Polly “that English teacher Elspeth wants to join our knitting circle, I remember her telling me once about a boy in her class that tripped over – he jumped up, started hopping around the classroom then let out a certain four letter swear word which I won’t repeat in case Len hears me, well, she told him off and said, ‘where did you learn that word, you don’t even know it means’, and he said, ‘yes I do, I learned it from my Dad when he kicked a table leg – it means ouch, I’ve stubbed my toe’ “.
“I was talking to Equine Earnie”, said Babs, “he’s joined a writing club where they are given a challenge each week; he had to write a sentence using the words defence, defeat and detail, he said it was perfect for him and wrote,’ when a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first, then detail – clever, eh?”
“I hate it when people forget an apostrophe”, said Colin, “if I see it again I swear I’ll be ill – if tomb is pronounced toom, and womb, woom, surely bomb should be boom – the shortened form of World Wide Web has three times more syllables – you politely pronounce a Welsh town Caerphilly – a mouse that swears is a curser – the word seven has even in it, that’s odd – the word starting with E and ending with E that only has one letter in it is envelope – the only word spelled wrong in the dictionary is wrong – if you add two letters to short it becomes shorter – I spell candy with two letters, C and Y – prison is one word to us but to some it’s a sentence – the word Diputseromneve may look ridiculous, but backwards it’s even more stupid – German for bra is stoppenfromfloppen – they say that icy is the easiest word to spell, now I see why – I did badly in my spelling exam, but I got A for affort – don’t spell part backwards, it’s a trap……”
Landlord Len and his dearly departed Maggie used to love playing word games, Lexicon Len she used to call him. Everyone had left but words remained and as he sat on a stool romantic ones began entering his mind, ones that summed up their love for one another; “what one word meant and remains the most amorous to you, Maggie?” he muttered, ‘simple’, she whispered, ‘Len, of course’’.
.
Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where this week’s given word is Word!
