Keith's Ramblings

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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Here a few pictures I took in my little loft just now.

Click to enlarge!

 

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I bet most people have something about their body they wish was different.  Those smaller, that bigger, you know what I mean. Some put up with their imperfectioins whilst others spend fortunes on modifications.

Me? I’d like a more rotund backside, you know, a bigger bum!

Why I hear you ask. Well I’m a clumsy so-and-so and I’m forever slipping, sliding and landing on my derriere. 

This week alone it’s happened twice. Once on a boardwalk festooned with wet slippery leaves, then a couple of hours ago when I walked down the back alley in the snow. Don’t laugh it’s not funny, how would you like it?

Why am I telling you this you ask. Well, I  have tried on the odd occassion sticking a cushion down the back of my trousers but it’s not that practical, so now I’m in the process of  inventing padded underwear for those who, like me, suffer from this unfortunate problem. Once in production I’m sure they’ll hit ground running!

Thinking ahead there’s even the possibility of creating some with built in springs that’ll shoot you upright again after you land! I’ll keep you informed about how things are going, and eventually, where you can buy yourself a pair or two!

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

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I enjoyed life, I can’t deny it but I had no idea how much fun things would be when I left it behind and changed from a load of worn out flesh and bones into something resembling a puff of smoke!

When they dumped my worn out body in that grave yard, or the human scrap yard as I call it, I rose within seconds and became the ghost I am today, there was no way I’d settle for becoming nothing more than a messy rotting pile of manure feeding weeds!

Little did you you know, but I was there at my wake – awake at my wake you could say! I was looking forward to hearing what they actually thought of me. 

I watched my mate step onto the podium and start saying some really sweet things.  I knew he was exaggerating, I wasn’t really as nice as he made out, but hey-ho! He said I  had a wicked sense of humour so I though I’d edge up behind him and tickle his neck! He started to scratch, tremble and splutter, they all thought he was overcome with emotion!

They decided it was time to dance and played one of my favourite songs, Gimme Shelter by The Stones. I was in amongst you, dancing too.  He may be gone but ole fella still rocks onl

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Thanks to Brenda Warren for hosting The Sunday Whirl where this week’s given words are –

shelter settle rose rocks edge step messy flesh left ghost scrap and tremble

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I used to suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, I detested multisyllabic words. Whenever I heard one, paramnesia kicked in. 

However that changed when I fell for a muliebrious sesquipedalian girl called Aubrielliana, they do say antitheticals attract. She spoke and I smiled, nodded or shook my head hoping it was the appropriate rejoinder.

Everything changed when I made a serendipitous discovery in a book shop, a  Longword Lexicon. Suddenly we were able to communicate efficaciouslty!

However, this morning she used the word defenestration and to my horror it wasn’t in my lexicon. I was so angry I chucked it out the window.

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Thanks to Sammi Cox for hosting the Weekend Writing Prompt.

In case it’s not in your dictionary either, it means – the action of throwing something or someone  out of a window!

*As I was writing this, my mind went back to my childhood days. My grandfather would read to me and whenever he came across a lengthy word he would just say ‘longword’ instead ond carry on!

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Once again the farmers were enjoying a drink at the Baaamy Inn, and Arthur was fiddling with his ear, “I’ve got a hearing aid”, he said, “I didn’t realise how much I was missing before I got it, it’s a state of the art device and I hear everything really clearly”, Babs looked interested and said “what kind is it?”  – “a quarter to eight”, replied Arthur, “I bumped into a couple of mates in town t’other day, they are both a bit hard of hearing, I said, ‘it’s windy today isn’t it’, and Jack said, ‘Thursday’, then Tony said ‘so am I, let’s get a drink’, I reckon they should sign up for some!”

Over at the knitting circle, Polly was telling her fellow knitwits that she was considering learning a foreign language, “I tried French, but it was ‘tray dificultay’, German was a ‘bitz complizated’, and then I thought, I know, I’ll try sign language, at least there won’t be any pronunciation difficulties; as you know I’m a great believer in multitasking so I’m learning to knit and sign at the same time, watch….whoopsie – okay, it’ll take a while but I’ll do it, you’ll see!”

Ted was prodding his ‘portable telephone’, as he calls it, “my wife made me get it so she could keep in touch when I’m out of sight, I don’t trust the thing, but I’m slowly getting the hang of it, I was watching an American programme on the telly last night and a guy called his one a cell phone, I assume he was an ex-criminal and he was given it in prison” ; “I couldn’t live without mine”, said George, “I went a pub in town yesterday and there was sign on the wall that says ‘Wi-Fi Password – you need to buy a drink first’, so I bought a pint and asked the barmaid what the password was and she said, ‘you need to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces’.

Len has sign board outside on the pavement, and he likes to write amusing messages on it, for example, one said Free Beer tomorrow – think about it – another said, Wanted, customers, no experience necessary, full training given, another, Pot holes ahead, remove teeth, tighten bra , and the latest one says Husband Creche, leave him in our care while you shop’! 

Time for Colin to pipe up – “I had a hearing test and he asked me what the symptoms were, so I said that yellow family on TV – I know several jokes in sign language, nobody has ever heard them – the least spoken language is sign language – pirates can’t use sign language  because the hooks make everything look like a question – pigs speak swine language – I saw a sign outside a farm that said ‘duck, eggs’ I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma, and then it hit me – hippies like exit signs cos they’re way out, man – the only two words in English that have two U’s together are vacuum and sheep – I use the word frequently as often as possible  – the longest word is smiles, the first and last letters are a mile apart…….”

Landlord Len was cashing up after another busy session and once again more people had paid by card than with notes and coins, he has a sign on the bar that says ‘Cash, use it or lose it’ because he prefers that method of payment and he’s worried that in time it will become a thing of the past; he was looking closely at a fifty pence piece and as he did so the King’s head slowly changed to that of his dearly departed Maggie, ‘you won’t lose me,’ she said before fading away. 

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Thanks to Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge for hosting Six Sentence Stories where today’s given word is Sign

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I’m in my flying saucer, I’m having such fun! It’s only a single-seater, so it’s quite inconspicuous. I bet you can’t see me. Oh, you can, ‘hello’!

I see all sorts from up here. Nige from number nine slipped into Nellie’s next door earlier. Pretty Polly was perched on her patio, she’s not the prude I perceived her to be, I’ll say no more! 

Oh look, there’s Doug digging a hole. I’ve not seen his wife for ages, you don’t think … phew, he’s planting a tree!

Thirsty work flying a saucer, time for a cuppa. Stand clear, down I come. Weeeee!

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Click Froggie to look down at the squares!

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Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

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For Wordless Wednesday and bloghops various!

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…the sun came out and the sky turned blue, that’s not occured in ages! And so, this morning I went for a walk!

I splodged my way down a muddy trail alongside a meadow, heading for the wood.l alongside the eadow 

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If you look carefully at the next pic, on the right you’ll see the remains of a castle built by the Romans about 2000 years ago, and towards the left a church built by the Normans around 1066.

You can click the pic to enlarge should  you so desire!

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Now where we? Oh yes, the wood!

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Look, a couple of squirrels! 

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…then I walked home and put the kettle on!

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Thanks to Sadje for hosting What Do You See?

Image credit; Ryan Lansdown @ Pexels

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Once again the members of the Sing Song Society had come together for another afternoon of fun fun fun! They danced, they sang, oh, the games people play! They’d rock around the clock if they could, but that was it for another day. 

“Is that all there is?” asked Peggy. 

“Yes, it’s time” said Floyd.

“Here comes the sun!”, said George as he walked out the door.

“Great, cover me in sunshine!” cried Pinky Poo!

“I’m going for a walk down the trail of the lonesome pine”, said Laurel, he‘s quite a hardy guy, there ain’t no mountain high enough to stop him! “Anyone going to come with me?”

“Not me”,  Jimmy replied, “there are too many rivers to cross”.

“Me neither”, said Sifunkel, “there nothing nice about a bridge over troubled water”

“Do come”, Audrey pleaded, “Moon River really is quite lovely right now”.

“You and your promises”, chuckled Eric!

“I’ve just had a pacemaker fitted”, said Gerry, so I’d better not”. 

“Nor me”, said Everly rubbing his thigh, “they say love hurts, my girlfriend can be quite vicious at times. ‘It’ll be time to say goodbye if you hit me baby one more time’, I told her, ‘who do you think you are, Britney Spears?

“That what happens when you date sex cymbals”, Sheila said. 

As Nathaniel followed the track home, clouds cast a shroud over the sun, mister blue sky, stolen.

‘Here comes the rain again’, thought Annie as she took the long road home, ‘good job Rihanna  lent me her umbrella’. . 

 

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Thanks to Brenda for hosting The Sunday Whirl

This week’s words – shroud symbols water rock sun tracks spear stolen cross promise moon and trail

I took a libery with symbols and used it phonetically!

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I wrote two pieces for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt today, one soppy, one silly. I couldn’t decide which to use so I’m afraid you are getting them both!

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Take 1!

Standing upon the hilltop at one with nature, I am surrounded by an undulating patchwork of green, gold and russet fields punctuated by sturdy trees and speckled with woolly downland sheep. 

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Take 2!

It’s finished, my pretty little piece of patchwork! Ooo-ooo-ooh, I need the bathroom, I’ve been sitting here stitching for ages. Oh no, I’ve only gone and sewn it to my jeans.;

 

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